Journey with Special Needs Children

What is loneliness? Lately I’ve been feeling very lonely. I may have people around me, yet I do not connect with anyone of those people around me, so I stay silent like background music or wallpaper. I don’t know what is more lonely, being by yourself with no one to talk to or being in a room full of people but knowing that no one understands you so at the end you still have no one to talk to. For some odd reason I prefer the first option of being myself and having no one to talk to. It may be strange that I prefer to be more by myself but in my mind it is more lonely to have so many around you that you can’t connect with. Sometimes when I’m having a really rough day with my son or just overall, all I really want to is just talk to someone and share my thoughts and struggles without another’s judgement. Being with my son is great, but raising a child can be very lonely sometimes, and it would be nice to have another adult to share the hardships, no matter if it is a friend to talk to or a lover. How do people usually deal with their loneliness? I often wonder that? I read that you have to find hobbies and keep yourself busy, but what if I’m not looking for that but just for genuine companionship. Is that strange? Or is that impossible to find? I stay up late at night because I have trouble sleeping, and I see my little dude next to me completely knocked out. Seeing him sleeping so soundly brings me peace, but I still feel lonely? Is that strange? Maybe I don’t even know what I am seeking for myself, but I just wonder if wanting companionship and just companionship is weird?

thanks for reading my rambles

sincerely- overly concerned mom